Must Read: Lost Of Virginity

7 years ago

Must Read: Lost Of Virginity

We need to talk? I asked myself as I
stared down
at my older brother sitting on our front
door
steps. What in the world would Richard
need to talk
to me about? And why did he look so
disappointed? The look that masked
Richard’s face
was the spitting image of my father’s
facial
expression whenever I did something
bad or
wrong.
“Okkkayyy?” I said in a questioning tone
as I sat
down on the step beside my brother.
“What’s this
all about?”
He answered me with only one word,
“Adams.”

I had to mentally kick myself as I stared
down at
the sidewalk in shock. How did I not see
this
coming -Richard was my brother, Adams
was one of
his best friends, I should have known he
would
eventually find out. In a way I did
although I never
expected him to find out so soon. Even
so I
attempted to pretend I didn’t know what
he was
talking about.
“What about Adams?” I questioned, even
though I
regretted asking it the second it left my
lips due
to the anger that appeared on my
brother’s face.
“Don’t play stupid with me Jane!”
Richard spoke low with anger in a HEROIC
effort to
declare the seriousness of the situation.
“Okay Richard, just let me explain-” I
decided to tell
my brother the truth, there was no point
in hiding
it any longer.
“Let you explain? What is there to
explain, I think
I’ve got a pretty good idea already.” He
barked
back.
“Yah, but I really do like Adams and it’s
not his
fault-”
“Oh. I know it’s not his fault Jane” He cut
me
off. His voice as sharp as ever, “Look, I
know he’s
probably a good looking guy to you and
sure he’s
popular.”
This time it was my turn to cut him off.
“It’s not
just that. He’s also nice,” I confessed
before
adding, “sometimes.”
“Nice?” He demanded, “Adams Brown?”
A loud,
sarcastic chuckle vibrated through his
throat.
“Even if Adams was nice, which for one
I’ve never
seen him be nice to anyone, how would
you
know?”

“Because, I’ve seen him be nice to me!”
How would I know? Wasn’t this what
Richard wanted to talk to me about? Me
and Adams hanging out, becoming
sexually involved. Yet, he’s standing
there questioning me on how I
would know whether or not Adams is
nice. I
stared at my brother as confusion passed
through
me.
I know because I’ve hung out with him at
least
three times now! I wanted to yell, but
didn’t.
“He’s been nice to you?” My brother
questioned
me, staring at me like I was crazy. “Jane,
you
need to stop these delusions! I don’t
know what
has gotten into you these past couple
days but
honestly it has got to stop.” Richard
spoke sternly
while getting up off the stairs and staring
down
at me. “Adams is not a nice guy, he is not
your boyfriend, he will never be your
boyfriend, and
mostly You-Have-Got-To-Stop-Stalking-
him!” He
yelled the last part out one word at a
time so
loudly I’m sure all our surrounding
neighbours
heard him.
“What!?” I literally screamed this as loud
as my
lungs would allow. “Me…st-st-stalking
him!?”

Was Richard serious? I thought angrily.
Did he
honestly just accuse me of stalking
Adams?
My own brother, my own flesh-n-blood
actually
believes all the rumours that are being
circulated
throughout the school about me. The
worst part
of it all was that I wasn’t stalking Adams,
if
anything it’s the other way around!
Who came to MY bedroom, and waited
on MY bed
for me that Friday night? My mind
continued to
yell.

Who pulled ME into the janitors closet?
Who came to MY house and threw rocks
at MY
bedroom window?
Who took ME from MY house in the
middle of the
night?
Who brought ME to their “Special” place?!
When I ran away from the school to get
away,
WHO ended up showing UP?!
The answer to all these questions is:
ADAMS, ADAMS, ADAMS!!!
And yet, apparently it is too impossible
to
imagine Adams being the one who’s
going after
me, so instead people are coming up
with this
ridiculous story about me stalking
Adams?! It was
completely and utterly outrageous
because not
only does pretty much all of High think
I’m stalking Adams but now so does my
older
brother.
Things couldn’t get any worse!
“Don’t sound so surprised Jane.”
Richard’s voice
lowered to a more nonchalant tone. “And
don’t try
denying it either, I’ve added up all the
clues
which lead to the same conclusion…You
having
an unhealthy crush on Adams.”
“Clues?!” I jumped to my feet as anger
began
boiling up inside me. I’ve never wanted
to punch
my brother in the face as much as I
wanted to at
that exact moment. “What clues?!””Jane,
Calm down. I’ll tell you…”Richard spoke
carelessly which only added to my anger.
I stood
there glaring at my brother, I could feel
my cheeks
burning red and my face scrunched up
wildly. He
continued to speak, “It first started
Friday night, I
kept catching you staring at Adams which
I
guess is normal but still. Then, Saturday
morning
you asked me where Adams went and
after that
you continued to bug me all weekend
with
questions about Adams. Monday morning
when
we picked up Kevin you never spoke one
word to
him, like always, but that was until he
mentioned
Adams’ name. For the first time ever you
actually
said something to Kevin, you asked him
if Adams
slept with Tiffany and Jessica.” Richard
paused to
look over at me and a look of triumph
covered his face.
The anger that once roared through my
body had
now vanished and was replaced by shock
and a
dawning realization. Even though I knew I
wasn’t
stalking Damen I was beginning to see
why my
brother would think I was.
Trent continued, “Then people at school
kept
catching you trying to talk to him, like
that time
at his locker during lunch break. Then at
lunch
break again outside by the tree. Now,
you’re
hanging out with his little brother? Jane,
I love
you and all but this stuff is not looking
good. All
your life you’ve never really talked to
anyone but
me, mom, dad and other adults. Then
suddenly all
this crap happens with Adams and now
you’re
out god knows where with Brandon
Brown and
Dorcas Kindle?”
“Okay, I know this all sounds bad Trent.”
I said
finally agreed with my brother. He was
right all
these clues did make me seem like
Adams’s little
stalker, if only people knew what actually
happened behind the scenes. “But I’m
not
stalking Adams…I swear.”
“You do like him right?” His question
sounded
more like an accusation.

“Yes, but he likes me too!” Okay, that was
a lie. I
didn’t know for sure whether or not
Richard liked
me. His bi-polar attitude was completely
contradictory causing me to believe
something one minute and then the complete
opposite the
next.
“Stop being delusional. Richard does not
like you Jane!”
“Why!?” I screamed back, “Why is it so
hard to
believe? Why is it Richard can’t like
someone like
me?!”
“Because he’s mine-” The second the
words left
Richard ‘s lips he shut his mouth and
stared down at
me, completely shocked by his own
words.
I too just stood there staring up at my
older
brother who towered over me. His last
three
words continued to echo through my
ears as I
only managed to spit out one word,
“What…?”
“Nothing!” Richard said quickly as his
cheeks
flushed completely red and I swear I
could almost
see sweat begin to form on his forehead.
“Richard …are you Ga…” I cleared my
throat,
“Richard …Do you like Bo…” I cleared my
throat
again, no matter which way I attempted
to ask the
question I still couldn’t finish asking it. I
looked
up at my older brother, knowing he
understood
what I was trying to ask.

I watched him as he inhaled deeply
before
exhaling out and then nodding his head
once – up
and then down. I felt my heart began to
race fast,
not because I really cared that my
brother was gay
it was more because of how shocked I
was. Then
something else crossed my mind as panic
soared
through my body, “And Adams?”
Richard shook his head before opening
his mouth to
speak. “No…I don’t think so…I’m pretty
sure he’s
not.” His voice was so small, like he
thought
maybe I was disappointed in him or that
he had
somehow let me down? “I guess I’m the
one with
the unhealthy crush on him.”

“You know Richard, there’s really nothing
wrong
with that.” I tried to reassure him.
He looked down at me as if I were a kid
who knew
nothing. “Sure Jane, there’s nothing
wrong with
me being gay, I’m sure mom and dad
would love
it if their one and only son liked boys.”
He spoke
sarcastically and then added. “Either way,
please Jane, promise me you won’t say
anything to
anyone!?” He pleaded.
I had never seen my brother look so
defenceless
so exposed and vulnerable, I nodded my
head. “I promise…”