Must Read: Glitches - Season 1 - Episode 3

7 years ago

Must Read: Glitches - Season 1 - Episode 3

Humans are an esoteric species. Sometimes they think they’ve grown and are ready for the challenges of yesterday,those things that brought them down.

They often pray to God like;
“God, i know i didn’t handle this situation well, but give me one more chance and i promise to make things right.”

And when that chance comes, they discover they’re still not ready.

That was the situation Jeremy found himself.

All his adult life he’s been praying for that day when he’d grab michael by the neck, push him to the wall, gently crush his balls and watch him wince in pain. He’d thought of all the crazy tricks he would practice on michael.

Here was the the opportunity on a platter and he was just staring like a dunce.

Well, he’d expected to see a frail looking michael, nobody told him he would face a stunt looking negro with broad chest and an admirable biceps.

Admirable? Is that what he really thinks of this biceps? Hell no!!! Looks like what you’d get after one week at a cement depot… After loading and offloading a cement truck ofcourse.

“Are we going to continue the staring competition or are we waiting for an umpire to signal the end?” michael spoke sarcastically.

“Still the same old rude michael huh?” Jeremy thought.

He opened the door wider and made way for michael who walked majestically into the room.

He was wearing a blue singlet with chains and a towel on his neck, a black pant trousers and a timberland boot.

“weird dress sense.” Jeremy reasoned and scoffed.

“Good day ma, good sir.” he greated when he reached the palour.

“Ah michael, is this you? You are now a man o.”

Jeremy hated how his mum said this same line to every male visitor they get, makes him feel less of a man – somewhat like an imp.

How on earth does she even derive pleasure in making him downcasted or hasn’t she noticed he now has beards and moustache? Maybe he should just leave the house for a little while.

Maybe she’ll notice when he comes back after a year or two. But where should he go?

“Earth to jeremy”
It was michael.

“Mum wanted you to buy malt for me but i thought wine would be better. Would you stroll to my house and get me one? Tell whoever is at home i sent you”
He stressed the ‘i sent you’ part. He was consciously passing a message across to jeremy, he still was his boss.

It took a great deal of will power for Jeremy not to strangle michael and a greater deal of strenght to overcome the inertia he had at that moment. He dragged his feet like he had spiritual elephantiasis.

“Would you walk like a man?” Mr. Bassey shouted at him and as if a computer program had been lauched in his brain, he increased his steps. That was how much he feared his father.

Haggardly, he walked until he got to the house of the Olabisi’s.

Kelly was the only one at home when he got there. Kelly was someone he usually got along with not for anything but her endownment. She had this busty physique that did everything but hide her s*xy** figure. If anything, it helped to spell out the words ‘s*x appeal’.
“You know sooner or later i’m gonna kill your bro right?”
“I wish you luck with that.” Kelly replied. “What has he done this time?”
“He sent me to get some wine”
“And??”
“What do you mean by ‘And’? Michael sending me is enough crime to warrant a death penalty”
“You still haven’t changed have you?”
“Depends… You know if he had sent me to get milk i’d have been glad to oblige”
“Unfortunately, there is no milk at home”
“Ya but there is a natural milk resevoir standing in front of me” Jeremy said with a grin.

“Here is the wine, now get going.” Kelly dragged him out and closed the door before giving a sheepish smile at the other end, it was weird but she kinda enjoyed Jeremy’s rudeness.

Jeremy on the other hand shrugged and walked home. He had seriously hoped he’d get more than a terrorist’s farewell. He admired the wine as he walked home.

Everyone at home were chatting cheerfully and laughing when jeremy got in.

So michael wasn’t a douchebag alone, he is now a clown? Great!!

“Ah, jeremy you’re back” Mrs. Bassey looked suprised. “Drop the wine on the table and take your seat”
Jeremy couldn’t remember what crime it was he comitted but one thing was sure, his mum never offered him seat unless it was time for some serious tongue lashing.

“Michael, tell Jeremy what you just told us”
Michael cleared his throat and spoke.

“Jeremy, i want you to come with me to the states.”

Stella came early this day, as she mostly did whenever she wanted to see her princecharming walk through the door. As minute as it might sound, it was a big deal for stella.

Oh how she loved his African swagger.

The way he walked with boldness and exquisite gait, reminiscence of a true African prince.

She had always imagined he was from a clan of ‘Oblivious-to-the-fact-princes’, who had somehow lost all knowledge of their royalty.

Well, even if he wasn’t truely a prince, even if she had been creating an illusion which to be honest she had began to believe of late, one thing was still for sure, Aaron was a prince in the royal kindom of her heart, with robes of pure desire carefully adorning his elegant African body.

The thought of his s*xy** body wasn’t doing her body temperature any good so she had to take her mind off him, maybe feed her eyes off the guests in the Restaurant.

Her first stop was a couple at the far end, they looked pretty happy. She scanned the next seat were she saw a man in his 30s? 40s? He definitely wasn’t more than 40. One thing caught her attention though, he was looking at his wrist watch every five seconds like he was waiting for a document which he was supposed to hand over to the president in the next 20minutes.

That obviously wasn’t stella’s business so she continued her visual journey, this time another couple caught her attention. The guy who was wearing what stella thought was an expensive suite was raising his voice slightly above normal at a Young beautiful lady at the other side of the table. The lady was visibly in pains as a roll of tear gently slid down her cheek.

Stella thought the man was a mentally deranged fellow for inflicting pain to someone whose beauty could fetch her a far more caring man.

“None of my business” she whispered, taking a gentle sip from the drink she had ordered earlier.

Just then, she saw him. Drenched in sweat and walking like a drunk. Stella couldn’t even begin to imagining the amount of deviation this ‘fella’ had from the royal Aaron she’d earlier painted. Truth be told, she’d have a greater chance measuring the lenght of london brigde with a meter rule.

She stood up and hugged him nontheless.

“What happened?” she asked, as Aaron took his seat.

Aaron sighed in exasperation.

“Car broke down… I couldn’t let my princess sit here alone so i hopped on a bike and you know bikes aren’t allowed into this area so i trekked the remaining journey, the result is what you’re seeing here”
Stella hid her urge to laugh.

“You look terrible” she said.

“Well, this is exactly how michael phelps looks 20minutes before collecting his gold medal.

Maybe i should rip off your gold necklace huh?”

“You’re sick.”
Aaron signaled the waiter who swiftly came and took their orders and left as swiftly as he came.

“Remember that leave i told you i applied for?”

stella asked and Aaron nodded out of impulse.

“It has been granted”

“That’s great, my anual leave is also coming up soon. I’ll take that as a Sign.”

The waiter brought their order.

They both ordered the same stuff-bolognese and red wine, which they had grown to like. Nothing screamed romance more than an Italian food on a hot afternoon date with your girlfriend.

“A sign of what?”
“A vacation” Aaron replied.

“Waoh, that’d be great. Where do you have in mind?”

“Ogbanike hills”
Stella raised an eyebrow
“Ogbanike hills? Is there a resort there that i dont know of?”

“No. But we can enjoy it in it’s natural state.”

“Uhm… I don’t know if it has been scientifically proven but hot sun, sweat and red wine Doesn’t really blend well in one individual. I even heard it causes shallow reasoning”

“Stella i’m serious. The Gulder ultimate search crew did a thorough cleansing of that place, it would be safe for the three days we’ll spend there”
“count me out” stella said sternly.

They ate in silence for the next 2minutes and the silence was getting defening for Aaron. He tried to break it.

“Sometimes i wish you could cook like this” he said.

“sometimes i wish you could serve like the waiter” stella said and they both had their fits of chuckles.

Aaron wasn’t entirely happy with stella but atleast he tried to keep a straight face. He was going to Ogbanike hills whether she liked it or not.

If you wish to kill a mouse, you use a trap. If you wish to kill a bird, you use a catapult or a gun, depending on which village you come from. If you wish to kill your dad what’d you use? A dane gun?

Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing was sure, someone wanted to kill his dad and hadn’t the slightest clue how to go about it.

Jeremy’s eyes were on a killing spree. He gave his dad 3bullets on the chest, his mum 1bullet on the forehead and michael 6bullets on his mouth.

If only the bullets weren’t just visual illusions.

“We think it’s a great idea and we’ve already agreed. Atleast you’ll get to see the world from an eagle’s eyeview instead of wasting your life on the street” Mr. Bassey gave what sounded like a great advice to his ears but was just a pile of septagenerian crap to jeremy.

“Jeremy you know we’re your parents and we want the best for you, even though it doesn’t seem that way most times. The decision we’ve made here today is one i’m very sure you’ll continue to thank us for…”

Mrs Bassey went on and on about how the living conditions abroad were better than what he’ll find anywhere in this country.

She even made mention of how the labour market over there was more friendly than what is obtainable here.

She had given a well articulated speech if her thoughts were anything to go by. But for Jeremy, all he heard were ramblings of a nusery school kid who was still learning how to recite ‘solomon grandy’.

“Jer my man” Michael started.

“The states aint like anything you’ve ever seen bro. The feeling is out of this world. We gat nice weather over there and the roads are supercool, plus you get to taste those nice hoes over there.”

“What’s hoes?” Mrs bassey asked.

“It’s a general term for fruits in the states.”

After the different sermons from the different self ordained ministers of ludicrous doctrines, jeremy stood up without saying a word, and headed for his room.

“Where do you think you are going?” Mr. Bassey barked.

“Where does it look like? I’m going to sleep.

My brain always gets this foggy feeling when it’s trying to process too much rubbish. I think i need to cool it off.”

Mr. Bassey was in shock. The chances of Jeremy talking back at him were practically non-existent or as rare as the chances of finding a polar bear in Nigeria. He looked at his wife who was also obviously in shock. Michael didn’t portray any emotion.

Just when Mr. Bassey was about to get over jeremy’s desecratious utterances as he’d put it, jeremy dropped another bomb shell.

“You have made too many wrong decisions in my life, dad. You sit comfortably on the driver’s seat of my life with a blindfold and a smile on your face, gloriously driving me into a ditch.

And even mum who’s supposed to be a traffic warden on that lane is still on maternity leave.”

Michael thought that was harsh, maybe it was because he hadn’t heard the venom Jeremy was cooking for his mum.

Jeremy turned to his mum with so much hate and pain in his eyes. He never knew a day would come When he’d release all the stored up carthases. He’d swallowed enough pain pills to last him a life time.

“Tell me mum, was it the new Wrapper? was it the car or was it the land? What could warrant my mum selling me out into modern day slavery?…”

“…Its laughable how you became an expert in international affairs overnight when you don’t even know what cotonou looks like. All that sermon on how the labour market abroad is better than what is obtainable here is just for 7yards of hollandis right?…”

“…Go ahead, tie me up, bundle me and ship me abroad in exchange for a mirror. Atleast it would be a great relief to leave this hellhole.”

With that he walked out of them but stopped when he was about opening the door. He turned and pointed at michael.

“hey you!!! Whats with the fake accent? Is that the only thing you learnt from ‘the states?’

And please, the chains make you look like an underfed dog”
With that, he stormed out of the room leaving them with their mouths opened wide.