Always Ready - S01 E15

3 years ago

Always Ready - S01 E15

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 15

As I went inside, I didn’t meet Aunty Funke, so I decided to check the backyard and I met her there but she was still angry with me because she claims I am too dull in girls affair. so I decided to engage her in chat but how am I going to start because it’s obvious that she won’t reply if I try so an idea came into my head.

Me: Aunty Funke Funke, well done ooo.

Aunty Funke: laugh what is it again Mr man.

Me: I know you are still angry with me. but I’m sorry.

Aunty Funke: Don’t worry I’ve forgiven you. but I don tell you, don’t dull.

Me: Trust me now I no go dull again.

Aunty Funke: na so we dey hear. so how about that Agatha? you later see her.

Me: Na because of the matter make me run come meet you ooo.

Aunty Funke: Before you start your story, go and change your uniform and come back here to join me in washing these cloths.

Me: I don here. but I won’t wash any cloth ooo.

Aunty Funke: See this boy ooo which day you wash cloth last for this house? even your boxers na me dey wash am.

Me: So you come dey abuse me no worry now..

I left and she urged me to come and join her or else I should not ask for her opinion on any matter again.

I will join her for sure cos she’s the only one who seem to understand me even a bit more than my parents cos they don’t have time to look after my siblings and I, so she’s all I’ve got for now.

Soon I came back and joined her then we continued our discussion. I decided to pull her legs a little.

Me: since morning that you are at home you didn’t wash, its now you are washing.

I thought She’ll be angry but she was not and I received a warm reply from her. then I know I’m fully forgiven. After about 3mins of silence, she handed me her pant and ask me to wash it and I was like

Me: am I your husband that you are giving me your pant to wash?

Aunty Funke: when you were bleeping me, you did not ask if you were my husband now to wash pant, you are asking nonsense question.

Me:Aunty Funke!! you no dey even fear say somebody dey hear.

Aunty Funke: laugh wash what I asked you to wash and stop disturbing me.

After our conversation, I knew that i can now enter Aunty Funke’s room or lemme say I thought so.

Me: Aunty Funke, do you know that Agatha ignored me throughout today in school.

Aunty Funke: Why won’t she? When you embarrassed her today. I was the one who told her to ignore you so that you’ll beg her.

Me: chai Aunty Funke your plan worked, if you see the way I was begging this girl ehn you will think we are already married lie I was kneeling down for her.

Aunty Funke: See this small boy who are you lying to. You and I know that you cannot kneel down to beg anybody.

Me: Why is it that you know almost everything about me.

Aunty Funke: see you, I’ve known you since you were just four years and then I was ten so how do you think I won’t know a lot about you.

Yes that’s true Aunty Funke had been living with us since I was just 4 and now I’m 17 (13 yrs) and she’s still living with us.

Aunty Funke’s story as I was told by my mom

My mum told me that she was in her shop one day 13 years now when two cars colluded and in the other everyone survived but in the other, Aunty Funke was the only one who survived that day so my mother was the good Samaritan that helped her, paid her hospital bills and sent her to school, thou she didn’t exceed secondary level but with her level of intelligence, you’ll think she attended the tertiary institutions.. I still blame my parents for not able to sponsor her education further as the had all it takes to help her even to get her masters degree.

…Back to present day…..

Me: but do you know that Agatha is living in this house (I pointed to the fence behind he)

Aunty Funke: are you kidding me?

Me: I’m d--n serious.