Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

6 years ago

Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

“Angom, make the post na, Ilorin don go collect ball come” i said to Angom as we were set to play football outside our compound one evening.

Ilorin came, not only with the ball but with some boys, his eyeh brothers. “Flow them dis guys say them go play with us oh” Ilorin said. “ok na, no wahala” i responded. Ilorin conversed with them in Yoruba for some minutes and said, “Angom dem say make we gamble with them oh, say dem no dey like play if money no dey involve oh” Ilorin shouted from a far distance. Angom tot of it for few seconds an said, “no wahala, ask dem say how much-how much we go set”. Ilorin spoke again to them in Yoruba and said, “dem say if we get mind make we set 8k”. If there is one thing in life i dreaded, its gamble.

So I, Angom, Ilorin and Sammy brought 2k each to make the 8k. I was sure we would win them bcos Ilorin was like Lionel Messi up front, Angom and Sammy was like Steven Gerald and Frank Lampard respectively, while i stood at the back like Nemandja Vidic. Kelvin was in reserve.

In Monkey post, no referee, no rules, you play anyhow with your target as the goal post.

I was sure no goal would enter our net bcos i stood like a “mountain that can’t be moved” behind.

They also had one of their player in reserve.

Their man in reserve was drinking from a big bottle of dry gin “dis tin wey dis guy dey drink, him heart no dey burn” i tot, considering the fact that if i was the one drinking it, my heart would have totally burnt down, i would have been “heartless”. Our man Kelvin in reserve was holding our phones. The money was kept on the floor, at a corner, under a stone.

The game started. I saw a fierce battle between Ilorin and one of their player, Ilorin collected the ball, passed back to me, “Ilorin no dey pass dis kin back pass oh, make own goal no go happen for here oh” i tot and i passed to Angom.

Five minutes and no goal, maybe it was bcos the two sides concentrated on their defence in other not to concieve a goal bcos whoever scores first carries the day.

Now, one of their player was heading towards me, he ran at a very high speed with a great zeal to dribble me and score. “dis one wan dribble me abi, him no fit pass me oh” i tot, not knowing he had a different plan. An evil plan.

He passed the ball to another player, and let out a kick to my d’ick.

I fell to the floor like an “Iloko tree” shouting, “i don die oh!!, my b’lockus don burst oh!! Make una help me oh!!”.
GOAL!! GOAL!! GOAL!!!, they had scored us.

I tot i felt something watery rolling down my right l’ap, “abi my b’lockus don burst?” i asked myself as i continued shouting, “make una help me oh!!”, my guys came to my rescue dragging me up. Angom said, “Flow ur b’lockus don burst oh, u no go fit give woman belle be that oh”, “na ur papa b’lockus burst” i cursed and they all laughed.