Must Read: How I Take Service A

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: How I Take Service A

“”HEeeeeeyyyy””….

I tink say na only me and my guy de enjoy d show
sef but as I turn omo I see say four oda guys de
watch evritin 4 bak. Put hand 4 head de shout. D
babe jump up wit speed, na dat time ochuko com
shout my name. I luk am wit shock, so na dis fat
babe and ochuko de yarn since I no even no.
” Ochuko so u dey dis camp since, u no fit call me
abi ” I tell am
” Hahaha! Nobe so e be o. Dem giv me assistant
platoon leader so i jus dey bizy wit work since. No
vex”.
” Ochuko I swear u nobe beta pesin atall. So comon
2 jus comot small time call pesin wey u and am folo
com camp hard u abi. Pesin wey help u settle down
4 camp, u neva 4 one day thank me”.
” I say I dey bizy since, u node hear dat one?…oya
kari microfone announce am 2 evribodi wey dey dis
camp say na u help me settle down wen we com”..”.
Ochuko voice de rise. She continue..

” U de complain say I no call u, wetin mak u nofit
use ur own fone call me no weda I still dey alive abi
I don die, u jus de nag like woman “…
Omo dat one pain me o. See dis babe de yab me say
I de nag lyk woman infront of d fat babe wey bin de
feed our eyez wit beta nyash. Naim i hala am bak as
she still de tok..
” Ochuko u de craze !!!, na why u nogo fit wise 4 ur
life. I de try koret ur Bleep up u dey hia de claim
right. Wetin de do u sef….”
By den pple don de gada small small, ochuko don
stat de shout lyk mad babe..
” Na ur papa de craze !!! I say na ur papa de
craze!!. U still get mouth de tok say u help me settle
down abi. U tink say I don 4get d kain wahala wey u
and ur cousin put me as we de com katsina, who
you be wey go mak u comand me as i go take de call
u. Even if….”
” Ochuko if u try call my papa name again I go show
u……”
” Show me wetin?? Wetin u go show me. Jus try
anytin now I go show u say me na comfam warri
babe. Born and bred.”


Ochuko jus de shout de shine eye de com wia I dey,
kopas gada evriwia de watch de free fiim….


” Guy how u gode folo babe de yab lyk dis, nawa 4 u
o. U supose don no as babes de behave”. One fat
guy come 4rm d crowd drag me 4 hand comot.


I jus de boil wit vex inside me, my mind no even dey
4 d oda tins wey d guy de tok. I de tink as I go take
wicked dis babe bak 4 dis kain embarasment wey
she jus show me now. See me wey de form 4 oda
kopas as big boy wey get swag naim dis babe jus
com from nowia fall my hands lyk dis, destroy
evritin wey I don build 4 mysef. I must do am bak.

Wetin I nid dat moment na koret bar wey i go jus
shayo beta beer tak kul mind…
” Wetin u tok again?” i ask d guy
” I say my name na bayo, u fit call me Biggy ” he
reply me..
” No, nobe wetin i de tok. U bin call sometin lyk
beer now. Abi nobe u tok am? ” I ask am
” Yes. I ask u weda u de drink beer but….” he still de
tok naim…


” Guy, beer dey dis camp?, wia I go fit see beer buy
now”. I de beg lyk say I be drug addict.
Biggy say mak I calm down, im go arrange beer 4
me but mak I gist am wetin hapun bitwin me and
ochuko, weda she be my babe. I tell am say I nogo
yarn anytin until he show me wia I go buy my beer.
He jus de ask me tins wey concern ochuko, I com
ask am why he wan no all dis tins wey I’m de ask
me, abi he wan toast d babe?. he com tok say d
babe na d assitant leader 4 dia platoon and she de
yab pple anyhow. Say d babe even wan fite am
yestaday and e remain small tin mak he slap am…
I ask am about d beer.
he giv me Im numba say mak i call am in de next 15
mins..


Haa !! 15 mins?? mak Im bring just one botle of
beer?.

Even igbo (ganja) node take dis kain time 2 bring…
Friday aftanoon, our 2nd week 4 camp. Me, biggy
and 2 oda guys dey 4 mami market de chop, de gist
about tins wey de hapun 4 camp. Babes and guys
jus de waka up and down. Different type of babes…
Sum short sum tall. Sum black sum fair. Fat, tin.
Sum wowor sum fine. Sum get big nyash sum get
small. Evribodi wear white polo and white short de
waka around.
B4 I com camp, i advice mysef say I nogo eva toast
any babe 4 camp no mata wetin hapun. Na just 3
weeks we go stay, and you fit no see de babe again
4eva afta d camp. Dem don warn us say mak we no
try Bleep inside camp, if dem catch u, na big wahala
4 u so I jus de do evritin posible mak I comot mind
4 Bleep. I jus de try kip mysef bizy 4 camp. i mak
sure say only me no stay alone anywia I go 4 de
camp. Mak I jus get small patient, e remain only
one week mak camp close. I nogo die and I neva
hear say conji or lack of Bleep kill pesin..

” guy guy guy !! See dat babe wey i yarn u, she don
de pass”. Biggy tap me.
As biggy take sabi evriwia and evribodi 4 camp jus
de shock me. D guy sabi evri official wey dey d
camp. Im and army men de rapor wella. I neva see
pesin wey get mind lyk kopa Bayo akanbi, upon say
d guy fat pass evribodi 4 camp, he de do wetin
many pple nofit do. He jump pass sum pple, he run
pass many pple infact e remain small mak d guy win
me for press-up competition wey we do. he boast
giv me say Im don Bleep 2 babes since Im com
camp, I no doubt am becos d way biggy de spend
money 4 camp, u go tink say Im papa na president.

Na only one tin naim dey biggy mouth evritime….

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep. He too like Bleep. De guy jus
de spend moni anyhow 4 camp, even wen oda kopas
de complain say moni don finish, he still de buy food
4 babes, de shayo lyk say 2moro no dey. E get one
day wey I jus ask am how much he kari enta camp
wey node finish, de guy luk me, laff, tell me say mak
i caculate my skool fees 4rm secondry skool to
universty. Na wetin Im use com camp…


” Wich babe be dat?” I ask biggy
” Nawa 4 u o. U don 4get bukky, de babe wey I yarn
u yestday nite “. I de luk biggy mak I recall wetin he
de tok. im de use eye de giv me sign mak he help
me rememba de babe im de tok bt I no jus
undastand. He come wia I dey, whisper 4 my ear..
” De babe wey I yarn u say me and am smoke igbo
2geda 4 bush wenesday nite ” biggy tok
” Okaaayy!! Wia she dey?” I ask am.
He point 2 babes wey stand outside de buy
popcorn. I ask am wich one he de tok, he say na d
tall one wey stand 4 left. B4 I no wetin de hapun
biggy don de call am..
” Bukky!! Bukky!!”
De babes turn our diretion, biggy signal dem mak
dem com. Dem luk am, continue de buy dia
popcorn. Biggy call am again but she no gree turn
dis tym. She pay de guy wey de sell d popcorn, de
go wia she de go. Biggy nobe pesin wey go allow
babe go lyk dat. He comot 4rm chair, pursue de
babes de go. I de try tell am mak Im leav d babes bt
he no hear dat one.
Next 10mins naim biggy and d babes come table
wey we dey, by den d oda guys wey dey wit us don
comot. De babes sidon. One tok say ha name na
bukky, d oda one say ha name na anita. 2 of dem
black com slim. Bukky tall pass anita but anita fine
pass am com still get beta hip and nyash. Evritin jus
set 4ha face, long pointed nose, big eyes and she
com get open teeth for ha teeth wey white wella. D
babe jus fine. Biggy and Im ganja mate (bukky) de
gist, (maybe how dem go take get igbo wey dem go
smoke again 4 bush ), as I de yarn wit anita omo my
eye jus de travel go ha smooth black laps, d tin jus
big and ha white short jus be lyk bumshort 4 ha
bodi. As she sidon 4 de chair naim ha short shift
inside de move up go ha inner laps. She luk me,
raise ha legs small, adjust ha short down wella. I
jus smile
I com observ say she no too get breassttt but wetin
she lack 4 breasstt naim she gain wella 4 nyash and
hips. D babe fine nobe small. We buy dem drink.
…… As bukky and anita de comot, (dem stay wit us
4 lyk 1hr). Anita turn, luk me, smile, come bak wia I
dey, whisper 4my ear…
” If u look my nyash again, I go pluck ur eyes
comot”.
as i still de wonda how she tak no say I de luk ha
nyash naim she comot…
” Guy u go Bleep dis babe “. Biggy tok
” How u tak no?” I ask am.
” Na me de tell u. You go Bleep dis babe. Unless say
u no wan Bleep am “. Biggy reply
…… I no no say my guy biggy na prophet 4 toto
mata